You Sound Just Like Your Mother / Father
When a man tells a woman she sounds just like her mother, it usually causes a much bigger fight. That’s because women often have complex relationships with their mothers, and son-in-laws often interpret her concerns as nags. So basically when a man says “you’re just like your mom!” he is telling his wife she is a nag and she’s getting old. This is a dangerous mix. Although it’s not quite so serious if a woman says a man is like his father, it is still not exactly a compliment, especially when the man has a difficult history with his father.
Have You Added a Few Pounds?
Telling your significant other that they might be looking a little heavier than usual will never be met with anything positive in return. In case you are mulling over saying this to someone, just imagine how you would react if someone said it to you. Since the phrase will never be received well, just avoid it. In some circumstances it might be that you are acting out of concern for the health of your boyfriend, girlfriend or spouse. If so, tread lightly. Tell them you worry they are working too hard and invite them to join you on a walk or at the gym to burn off a little stress. But again, be forewarned, because your spouse interpret your comments as an attack on their weight.
Do I Look Fat in This?
Asking your significant other if you look overweight is also asking for trouble. It’s understandable that you want some positive affirmation, or just a little advice, about how you look in an outfit. However, that question puts your spouse in a difficult situation. The person is usually expressing some unhappiness with their appearance and asking for affirmation that their spouse still finds them attractive. Relationship experts say this forces your spouse into an enabling role. There is a time and place to have conversations about weight and health, but simply asking “do these jeans make me look fat” is the wrong way to go about it.
You Shouldn’t Feel That Way
Never tell someone how to feel. Although there are disagreements and arguments where both people have their own perspectives, people’s feelings are wholly their own. When you tell someone their feelings are wrong, you invalidate a core part of their emotional being. This is controlling and condescending behavior and a leading cause of divorce.
Don’t Wait Up
Never storm out of an argument by saying “don’t wait up.” Likewise, telling your spouse to go on to bed without them usually sends a signal that screams “anti-intimacy.” There is value in the old advice to never go to bed angry. Relationship experts say that couples should try to go to bed at the same time if possible, which increases harmony and intimacy in a relationship.
I Hate It When You Do That
Let’s face it, in many circumstances you react strongly to something your significant other does or says. When your gut reaction is “ugh, I hate when you do that,” it is usually better to express your feelings another way. If you say this in front of other people, it usually amplifies the feelings into a fight. By putting down your spouse in front of friends and family, you invite outsiders to judge your spouse. Putting someone down in front of other people quickly erodes trust and builds deep resentment.